


36 Questions on Mars

by petulantbitch



Category: 36 Questions (Podcast), The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: 36 questions AU that literally one person asked for, I stole some dialogue from the actual musical i'm lazy and not sorry, Rita's a duck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25765924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petulantbitch/pseuds/petulantbitch
Summary: Juno Steel has been in a relationship with a man named Rex Glass for 2 years now, only to find out that that man is not actually named Rex Glass. His name is Peter Nureyev, and he's been lying about who he is.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 20
Kudos: 31





	1. Hear Me Out

_The squeak of a chair, followed by static and the sound of faint singing replaces the silence after a few seconds._

_“Rex.”_

_  
“What?”_

_  
“Put your comms away.”_

_“I’m recording it.”_

_“You’re recording it on your comms? When are you gonna-“_

_“It’s a voice memo. Sit-“_

_“Why would you need a recording of my students singing? They’re not that good.”_

_“Well, I just thought- it’s so easy to just-“_

_“Shh!”_

_\--_

_The low rumbling of a moving vehicle plays, mirroring the sound in the present._

_“Reminder to self: the Fenderman family tree. Three siblings: Bobby, Judy, Richie._

_\--_

_This time, the underlying sound is that of quiet pop music, people talking, and the rattling of shopping carts moving down grocery store aisles._

_  
“No, you- Can you say that again?_

_“About city hall?”_

_“Yeah!”_

_“My god, you’re recording this!”_

_“Yes.”_

_“What, so you can prove it in court?”_

_“Well, I just want you on record. You are okay with not having a big wedding. No guests.”_

_He laughed for a few seconds. “Oh my god, you’re… insane. Yes, confirmed, yes. Confirmed! You hear that? I confirmed it. I’m on the record. I am okay with not having a big wedding.”_

_Another laugh- my laugh. “Thank you.”_

_“I don’t know about no guests, though. We gotta talk about that.”_

_“Ah, well, hm, it’s on the record…”_

_“Doesn’t there have to be a wedding-“_

_\--_

_Bird song and rushing water this time, along with the crunch of footsteps on dry earth._

_“Rex? Rex!”_

_“Hello!”_

_“We’re like- we’re all the way around the bend, I thought you were right behind us.”_

_“Sorry.”_

_“Are you okay?”_

_“I’m okay.”_

_“What are you doing? Taking pictures?”_

_“No. I was recording.”_

_“What are you recording?”_

_“I’m just capturing replica-Yellowstone in all its glory.”_

_“…Do you ever listen back?”_

_“Not yet.”_

_The sound of a quick kiss, and his voice again, louder. “Mm. You ever think you’re going to?”_

_“Hmm- I guess when I miss it.”_

_More footsteps, and then it ends._

_\--_

This time, the sounds of my car filled the mic of my comms, along with the soft sound of dust whipping through the air, calming down after the storm. I know the specifics of the recording this time, because it’s happening right now around me. This isn’t a snippet of a memory, this is my life.  
  


“It’s the 28th day of the 7th month. My name is Peter Nureyev and I have been lying to my wife since the moment I met him. I am going on the record here to make this right. To remember.”

“The time is 6:43 and I seem to have left my charger at that diner I stopped at, which means I have about 30 minutes, if I’m lucky, before this cuts out. So.” I took in a deep breath and let it out, hands shaking slightly as I clutched the wheel. “So I don’t have very long to convince him, I guess.”

“Your destination is on the right.” The voice of my GPS came out of nowhere, directing me into a rather sketchy looking alleyway. Except... It’s a little wider than an alleyway should be.

“Oh shit, that’s a road?” I quickly turned, car screeching.

“Jesus. My god.” The car barely fit, scraping against the sides of buildings and pieces of trash left out on the side of the “road.”

“Oh I’m gonna die out here. There is literally nothing out here, not even a proper road. I’m gonna die and they’re gonna find my car. But all that will be left of me is my comms”- I stopped the car, coming through to a slightly wider space and a dead end, with an apartment building right in front of me. “Okay. Made it in one piece. I can see Juno’s old apartment or shack or whatever.”

Pulling the keys out of the ignition, I got out and laughed a little. “Definitely do not get the appeal of it, but I suppose it’s a great place to get some ‘Me Time.’ Especially if you’ve just found out your husband has been, uh, you know… Lying about who he is and refusing to acknowledge it.”

I walked closer towards the door and tripped over a twisted hunk of metal on the ground, falling with a loud cry. “Well, there goes the element of surprise.”

His car was there, and I could hear the sound of a… drill? coming from inside. So maybe he didn’t hear my fantastic fall.

  
  
“Not that it matters if he heard me or not, this isn’t a trap. You hear that, Future Peter? Not a trap. Mission is to salvage the most important relationship of your entire life. Just got to make it to the front door.” My heels clicked against the pavement as I made my way to the door, and readied myself to knock. The drilling continued, and I took a deep breath. Exhaling, I knocked on the door, the partially rotted wood buckling under my knuckles. The drilling stopped, and I heard footsteps on the other side get closer. I knocked again, chewing on my lip. “Juno?”

The floor on the other side of the door creaked, meaning he was just on the other side.

“Juno, I can hear you on the other side of the door. You might as well just open it and let me in.”

The floor creaked again.

“Or you can keep me on the hook. Tough, but fair, considering the circumstances.”

I pulled the envelope from my jacket and looked at it for a few seconds. “I’m gonna slide something under the door, alright?” I bent down to push it under the door, before standing back up and leaning against the door. “Let me know when you open it. I’m just gonna… Stare at the ground.” Mosquitos started buzzing around me, and I slapped my arm as soon as I felt one land.

“Mosquitos! Fun. Okay, well, I guess there’s two options. Either you’re my wife, Juno Steel, who shared an apartment with me in Hyperion City for about a year and works as a PI and part time choral teacher, or you’re a stranger in his old apartment- which I didn’t know he kept until last week. In either event, It’d still be really cool of you to open the door.” The buzzing of mosquitos got louder, and I tried harder to smack them away before they could bite me. “Also, I have to pee, so.”

I smacked my arm again and winced as I flicked off the remains of a rather large, squished mosquito.

  
“Okay, fine. I’ll play along. I’m not me, you’re not you.”

“You know, whoever you are, you share a lot in common with my wife, Juno. You have the same car, so either he sold it, or maybe you stole it and didn’t change the plates. You have the same old apartment too. So I feel like I know you, like we’ve met before.”

I sat on the dirty floor of the hallway, head resting against the door as it remained closed. “I drove like 27 hours trying to find this place again. If you were him, you’d open up the door. I know you’re there. I know you’re listening.” The creaking floorboards quieted, so I guess he stopped moving. “You deserve to get to know the person you’re trying your damndest to let go. I know you care. Whoever you are, you have a thousand reasons not to trust whoever I am.” I laughed bitterly, running a hand through my hair. “For whatever it’s worth, I also have no clue as to who I actually am.” It’s true- Rex Glass, Perseus Shah, whoever, they’re not me, not really. Just personas. Ends to a mean.

  
  
“But I know this is the first time in my life that I am sure. I drove like 27 hours, replaced 2 tires during a dust storm. I won’t leave ‘til you open up the door.” The floorboard creaked again, followed by the clinking of glass. Of course, he’s drinking, I shouldn’t be surprised. “I hear you there. I hear you listening. You deserve to get to know me. Hear me out.”

Silence. That is also not a surprise. Just disheartening. I feel an itch start to bloom at my wrist and look down to see a few mosquitos gathered there, sucking my blood, red marks left behind from others that departed before.

“Hear me out. Let me in.”

Still nothing.

“There are mosquitos everywhere, I think they’re eating me alive,” I joke, as a last-ditch attempt at pity. Not that I deserve it, but it would be nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe uh, drop a comment?


	2. One Thing

“There are mosquitoes everywhere, I think they’re eating me alive.”

I sighed and shook my head. “I’m only letting you in so you don’t get eaten alive.”

He laughed, the sound muffled by the still closed door in between us. “So you’re saying I won’t get eaten alive in the house?”

I opened the door, wincing as it creaked, and gestured for him to come inside. “Not by the mosquitoes,” I called, walking away, trying to stay as far away as I can from the man who lied to me. “Please close the door behind you.”

Peter closed and locked the door behind him, slowly following me into my living room, heels clicking against the floor as I started the drill up again. I heard him start to talk again, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. “Can’t hear you!”

He shouted something else that I couldn’t quite make out as I put the drill down again, heading towards Rita. She was hiding in the corner, quacking loudly. “Shh, it’s okay Rita. He’ll be gone soon, I promise.”

  
“Who are you talking to?” The click of heels started again as he entered the room, head cocked and eyebrows raised.

“I’ll ask the questions. What are you doing here?”

  
“Is that a duck?” Peter’s mouth dropped open and he stifled a laugh, peering curiously at Rita.

“Yes, it’s a duck. But I still don’t know who you are, or why you’re here.” I crossed my arms, staring up at him, trying to ignore the fact that he looks unfairly attractive despite being covered in a decent amount of dust from the storm. Seriously, what is up with that? I’m trying to be mad at him, and I have a good reason, but it’s very hard when he looks like that.

“That’s why I’m here, actually.” Peter held out the envelope he’d slid under the door before, smiling tentatively. “That’s why I have these.” Gesturing to the drill in my hand- which I had forgotten I was holding- he laughed softly. “And could you please put the drill down? It’s rather intimidating. I don’t like feeling like you’re gonna come at me with it if I say the wrong thing.”

I stared, blinking slowly as I set the drill down on the ground. Narrowing my eyes, I crossed my arms again. “Do you know what you’ve done? Like, do you actually know? Or have you lied to yourself too? Develop selective memory from it?”

“Well, I’ll try to remember. If I’m right, I gave you a fake name when we first met, and I kept using that name throughout our relationship. Both dating and marriage.”

“It was more than just a fake name! I don’t even care about a fake name-” I threw my hands up in the air when he cut me off.

“Yes, Juno, you do.”

“You know what, you’re right. I do care. But I care more about the fact that after I found out it was a lie, I asked you, point blank, and you didn’t come clean. That little fact makes you more than just someone who lied.” My voice had dropped to an almost growl at this point, but I was past the point of caring. “That makes you a liar.”

Peter sighed and looked down at his comms, chewing on his lip. “Okay.”

“Wait. Why do you have your comms out?” I looked at the screen, and saw the voice memo app open and going. “Are you recording this? What the fuck?”

He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “Just a little bit.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and started towards my drink on the table across the room. I’m going to need it, apparently. “I can’t believe you. Are you being serious?”

“It’s for me.”

“It’s- It’s for you?! What would you need-“ Rita quacked loudly, waddling closer to Peter. I sighed, downing the whiskey in my glass.

“That is a really cute duck.”

“Correct! Yes, she’s the best duck in the world.” I walked back over, petting Rita on the head with a soft smile.

“Where’d she come from?”

I froze, trying to figure out how to explain Rita without sounding like a crazy person. Actually, fuck it, I already might as well be a crazy person. I sighed and continued petting Rita, not looking at Peter. “Her name is Rita. I found her outside the apartment building about a day after I came back and invited her inside. She really likes those weird salmon chips? And she has the best comedic timing and is pretty much my best friend right now, which sounds ridiculous but- you know what? I really don’t think I have to explain that shit, especially when you refuse to explain the most basic stuff to be. Like, I don’t know, your name? Where you were born? Do you sleep and eat like a normal human being or are you actually the last Martian or-”

“I wasn’t judging. She seems like a very chill duck.” He smiled again, that stupid smile of his with those stupid pointy teeth. I should punch him in the face or something.

“Well, she is. Very chill. The chillest duck.”

“Whatever gets you through this, Juno, even a duck. I’m all for anything, seriously. I just came to ask you to do one thing.”

“One thing.” He says it so matter-of-factly, like I would even want to do something for him. Why did I even let him in?

“Yeah, just. One thing.”

A few seconds later, I heard a snap and a large crash from my bedroom.

“What was that?”

“That was the sound of the shelf I just put up breaking and falling to the floor under the weight of a shit ton of books. I should’ve known it was too-” Another large crash, along with the sound of broken pottery. I winced, heading towards the room. “And there goes my brother’s urn.” Before I could even take a step, a bunch of loud popping noises came from the kitchen. “And- Actually, I have no clue what the hell that was. Excuse me for a second.”

Peter’s heels clicked on the floor again as he followed me. I wish he’d take them off, they’re loud and I’m starting to get a headache. “I know I’m not supposed to be asking questions, but couldn’t you have, I dunno, hired someone to do all this work on your apartment? Or told whoever you were renting it from that it needed it?”

“Don’t have the money, and he doesn’t know.”

“Your landlord doesn’t know you’re renovating?” He sounded incredulous, which is honestly ridiculous. I don’t tend to ask for permission.

“Renovating is a rather strong word, don’t you think? Do you smell smoke-“ I sighed as I entered the kitchen and saw electrical wires sparking, lighting the dish towels I had on a rack on fire. “Well, that’s a fire! Just stay calm? I guess? Can you hand me that blanket?” I pointed towards a blanket in a heap on the floor, which Peter handed to me quickly. I did my best to beat out the fire with it while he stood behind me, muttering into his comms.

“For the record, Juno is putting out a fire with what looks like an antique Earthen quilt.”

“What?! Dammit, I thought that was something else. Well, it’s too late now.” I kept beating out the fire. “As you can see, your timing was wonderful.” I dropped the quilt with a sigh, turning back to Peter. “As always.”

“One thing, Juno. That’s all I want right now.”

I laughed, loud and bitter. “I wanted one thing too- to forget about you. That’s why I came out here, to do that one little itty bitty thing.” I stomped towards the doorway. “But guess what I learned? One thing isn’t ever really just one thing. It turns into two, or three, or more pretty damn quick.”

The hall light buzzed and flickered, and I groaned. I’d forgotten about that.

“For example. You see that hallway light? Yeah, it’s been doing that since I first moved in here, and I couldn’t stand it anymore after being back for a few days. So my list grew: 1, forget about you, 2, fix the light bulb. So I went to the store, got a new lightbulb, and tried to change it. But guess what?”

  
  
“What?” He looked genuinely curious, clutching his stupid envelope to his chest and looking at me intently over the top of his glasses.

“The wires didn’t connect. So my list grew again: 1, forget about you, 2, fix the light bulb, and 3, rewire the ceiling.”

I walked out of the kitchen, Peter on my tail, heels clicking. Still.

  
  
“So I went to the attic, and found a bunch of black mold, that had been slowly killing me for the past few nights. I’m used to people trying to do that, but not my own damn house. Which means my list got even longer: 1, forget about you, 2, fix the light bulb, 3, rewire the ceiling, and 4, kill the black mold.”

“Yeah, okay, I get it.” He held out the envelope to me. “But my one thing is really just-”

“I am nowhere near done.” I pushed the envelope away and pointed to the tarp hanging from the ceiling at the other end of the hallway. “You see that tarp? There used to be a gallery wall there, full of pictures. It was the nicest thing in this place. But sadly, I had to take it down to get rid of all the goddamn mold.” The doorbell started to ring like crazy, the chime filling the room as I groaned.

“Should- Shouldn’t you go get the door?”

“Nope! It’s no one, it just does that when there’s a storm!” I laughed, throwing my hands up in the air. “It’s lovely, really. Impossible to sleep when it happens, but. Absolutely. Lovely.” I pulled aside the tarp, kneeling down next to two holes in the floor. “Anyway. When I tried to rebuild that wall? I found these holes burrowed all the way down. I didn’t want to kill them so my list grew once more- But! The cement I tried to use to fill these holes didn’t stick, so I learned that cement can get old, which is really stupid but at least I learned _something_ from this, other than not to trust people.”

Peter sighed, kneeling down next to me. “I really think it’s lovely that you’re fixing this place up dear, but I think you might just be obsessing a little bit over what you can control because you’re trying to control your feelings for-”

I scrambled to my feet, moving away from him again. “What?! Absolutely not, nope, you couldn’t be more wrong. These things just needed to get done!” He stepped closer to me again, a smirk curving his lips upwards. “Uh, just- just stay over there, on your side of the room. Stop moving, we can talk this out like this!” I kept talking rambling about something similar, but I didn’t even know what I was saying. I could really only focus on how he was getting closer, and what he was saying in that stupid voice with that stupid smile on his face.

“You came here for one thing, to forget about me? Well, what I’m asking you to do the first, and maybe even the last thing you do with me.” He took a deep breath, smile gone. “After this, you don’t even have to hear from me again, never have to see me again. Alright? Everything we need to fic our marriage is inside this envelope.” He held it out again, nothing but hope written on his face. “I just want this one chance. Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments would be appreciated!!
> 
> also are there ducks on mars? if not, there are now. rita's a very cute duck.


	3. Rex Glass

“For the record, it is currently 7:06 pm. My estranged wife, Juno, has not kicked me out of his old apartment.” I was, in fact, seated next to him on his couch, the envelope I brought clutched tight in his hands.

He rolled his eyes, opening the envelope. “Yet.”

“In fact, he’s about to take a look at what’s inside the mystery envelope I gave to him.” Juno sighed as he pulled out a folder. “So far he’s found the folder I put in there. Oh, you might wanna just. Dump that out on the table.”

He did, and a few things dropped onto the coffee table in front of us. “Oh.”

“For the record, Juno just dumped out a box of matches, and his wedding band, the latter of which he’s picking up. I still can’t believe you left that on the kitchen counter for me to find before you took off. You’re such a drama queen.”

Juno pulled a packet of paper out of the folder and squinted at it. “What’s this?” I pointed to the title on the first page and he sighed, reading it out loud. “’The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings,’ along with my wedding ring, and some matches.” He flipped through the packet and nodded, chewing on his lip. “Oh, alright. The 36 Questions.”

“The 36 Questions,” I echoed, a smile ghosting my lips.

“How poetic. The very thing that made us fall in love two year ago. Why wouldn’t it work twice?” Juno rolled his eyes, voice full of that familiar snark.

“Exactly! But before moving forward, you must first move on. Which is why I gave you those matches, and why I brought these.” I reached into my jacket again and pulled out a bundle of papers.

“These being…?”

“For the record, I just pulled out a bundle of papers consisting of every document I forged over the past two years in order to be Rex Glass. I brought these with me because I want you, Juno, to set everything that is and was Rex Glass on fire. Burn it all.”

“…So you want me to torch your grocery store reward’s card?”

“Yes. It’s about the meaning of it though.”

“Whatever.” He stood up with a loud sigh and left the room, coming back a few moments later with a metal trash can, which he set on the ground in between us, and a container of lighter fluid, which he set on the table.

“For the record, I am currently placing the forged documents from my stint as Rex Glass in a trash can-” I did, the bundle thunking as it hit the bottom. “-dousing it in lighter fluid-” I did that too, dumping enough lighter fluid on the papers to leave a decent sized puddle on the bottom. “-and putting the can on the table. Now, all Juno has to do is strike a match and drop it in.” I pulled a match out of the box and held it out to him. He didn’t take it.

“That’s all Juno has to do.” Juno stared at the trash can, picking at his cuticles.

“Mhm. That’s it.”

“Burn all your documents for you. Your lies.”

“Ah-ah, burn my documents for _us_. I can light the match for you, if you’d like. You just have to drop it in- Aaand, for the record, Juno is giving the match in my hand an extremely incredulous look.”

“Why is it so important? That I torch your documents?”

“It’s not. It’s important that we do it together, though.” I sighed and placed the match on the table, looking Juno in the eyes. “There’s something to the ritual of setting some old shit on fire. It’s a way of saying ‘this now lives in memory.’ It’s to honor that memory- the memory of who I used to be. So let’s say goodbye to Rex Glass. Tonight.”

“He was imaginary.” Juno choked on the words a little, shaking his head.

“Exactly. Which is why we’re saying goodbye to him, and hello to me.” I flashed him a gentle smile, fighting the urge to reach for his hand and give it a squeeze.

“This is crazy.”

“Oh really?”

“I don’t get why I have to join your little cremation ceremony. You made him up. Say goodbye yourself.”

“It was, truthfully, a little more collaborative than you even know.” I gave in to instinct and reached for him. It was a mistake. Juno jumped away from my hand and stood up, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

“All I want right now is the same thing I wanted before: the truth. Why the fuck did you lie to me? And why did Rex Glass exist in the first place?”

I rubbed my face and sighed, looking up at him. “Rex Glass was just a persona. An alias. He was supposed to exist for a few days for the purpose of a heist and then disappear. But then I met you, and I just couldn’t… I couldn’t give you up. And then you asked me to coffee, showed me the 36 questions- I looked ahead and saw exactly what Rex Glass could be, what _I wanted_ to be. Someone that wasn’t a thief with endless debt, on the run from himself. So I built a past, made up a history, all to fit this person, named Rex Glass.”

I stood, taking a step towards Juno. “But it’s time to say goodbye to Rex Glass.”

He stepped back, shaking his head. “He was real to me.”

Nodding, I sat back down. “I know. I’m sorry. I loved him too, to be honest, just as much as you. And he’d want you to bury him with me.”

There was a moment of silence, Juno standing with his arms crossed and me sitting, staring at the floor.

“Okay.”

I looked up in surprise, eyes wide. “Okay, what?”

“Give me that match.” He sighed, holding his hand out for it. I handed it to him, and he stared at it. “There is something to the ritual of setting fire to a lie. It’s a way of saying ‘that’s one win for honesty, and what’s done is done.’” He struck the match and flashed me a sad smile. “Time to say goodbye to Rex Glass, huh?”

He dropped the match into the trash can and the papers lit almost immediately, flames licking the top edge of the can. Smoke billowed out of the can, hitting us in the face. We both started coughing, waving the smoke away from our faces.

“Damn, that’s burning pretty good.”

“I did dump half a bottle of lighter fluid in there, so it makes sense.” I coughed again, moving away from the can. “Is the smoke going to be an issue?”

Coughing, Juno shook his head. “There haven’t been fire alarms in here since before I moved in, we’re fine.” He moved to open a window, a loud creak drowning out the crackling of the fire for just a second.

“For the record, Juno’s opening up a window, and surprisingly, not trying to climb out of it.”

Glass shattered, small pieces dropping to the floor.

“For the record, one of the panes just-”

“Can we not do that? For just a little bit? I wanna process some stuff. Off the record.”

“Alright.” I set my comms down on the table, leaving the voice memo recording.

“Can you bring me the trash can? The fire looks like it’s out.”

I nodded and grabbed it, handing it over to Juno. “What are you doing? Scattering me to the wind?”

He set it on the windowsill and shook his head. “I really just don’t want it to smell worse in here than it usually does.” He started dumping it out the window, shaking it. Trying to get out the stuck-on bits, he tapped his hand against the bottom. I snorted, smirking.

“For the record, Juno is spanking the trash can’s bottom like it’s been bad.”

Juno rolled his eyes, elbowing me in the arm. “Shut up, you’re the worst.”

“…How do you feel?” I took the empty trash can from him and set it on the floor.

“Sad. And stupid. More so than usual, at least.” He closed the window and turned towards me.

“That makes sense.”

“Mostly because I just made it impossible for you to leave. Because I’m that big of an idiot.” He pushed past me and sat back on the couch, hunched over, head in hands.

“What do you mean?”

Dust smacked against the window. Looks like the dust storm is starting up again. Lovely.

“We just burned all of your identification. How are you supposed to get into your car, drive to a hotel, and check yourself in?” Rita quacked, waddling into the room. “C’mere Rita. Eat your salmon crackers.” He pulled a bag out of his pocket and dumped a few on the floor in front of him.

“I have my license.”

Juno froze for a second, in the middle of petting Rita’s head. “You do?”

“It’s in my car.”

“What’s the name on it?” The dust outside beat against the apartment louder.

“My legal name.”

“Peter Nureyev.”

“Yes. Peter Nureyev.” Juno stared at the wall, a far off look in his eye as Rita continued to eat her salmon crackers. Loudly.

“Do you… Do you want to meet Peter?”

“I think- I think it’d be nice to just, y’know, see the document with you actual, real life name.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one took a little longer than I wanted it too, but oh well! it's here. maybe, uh, drop a comment?


	4. Peter Nureyev

"I think I think it'd be nice to just, y'know, see the document with your actual, real life name." I looked back at Peter, who just smiled and nodded.

"Of course." 

I stood up and looked at Rita, who let out a quack, having finished her crackers. "We're stepping out for just a second, alright Rita? Don't let anything else break while we're gone." 

I headed towards the door, Peter following behind me. Wrapping a scarf around my face to try to fend off whatever dust might be blowing around outside, I stepped outside. "I can't believe you're here. I can't believe I'm entertaining this. I shouldn't be. I know that," I muttered, shaking my head. 

"And why is that?" 

"Because it's pointless." Peter stopped behind me, a few feet away from his car. 

"How so?" I turned towards him, throwing my hands up in the air. Why does he have to question everything I say? 

"It's pointless because- Okay. I'm gonna see your passport, right?" 

"Mhm." He nodded, crossing his arms.

"With your real name on it."

"Yep." 

"With a picture taken before we met."

"Yes."

"I'm gonna see proof that you are actually Peter Nureyev. And then what?"

"And then we meet, do the 36 questions."

"Just like that? Like a couple of strangers? Act like we didn't get married, and like you didn't lie to me for two years?" My voice cracked a little and I ignored it, just glaring at Peter the best I could despite the scarf covering my face.

He shook his head. "We're not going to act like anything. By doing the 36 questions with me, you meet Peter Nureyev."

"But what's the point in asking 36 questions when I only have one: Why?"

He opened the door of his car and started rifling around. "I can't really answer that, there's too many answers. Maybe some other time, but right now, I don't know how to explain it, not really." He stood up and straightened his jacket, holding out a small card to me. "There. Here's my license. I'm Peter. Nice to meet you. Would you like to do the 36 questions with me?"

I snatched it from his hand and stared at it. "Peter Nureyev."

"That's right."

"It says you got this in Brahma-When the hell were you in Brahma? Are you from Brahma?"

Peter winced a little. "I don't really like to talk about that. Let's stay on task, alright?"

"And that means what, exactly?"

Juno Steel, I need you to answer this one question for me. Right now, given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?"

Groaned, rolling my eyes. "Stop trying to trick me!"

"It's just a simple question, you don't have to be so difficult about it."

"Nope, not a simple question. It's the first of 36- Not that it matters, because i'm not answering it." I shook my head and crossed my arms, still clutching his license tightly in my hand, running my thumb over the raised signature at the bottom.

"Why? Are you trying to hide the answer from me? Who would it be, Juno?" He smirked, leaning on his car.

"I'm not going to give you an answer, Nureyev."

"You're already telling me by refusing to answer. It's written all over your face."

"Croesus Kanagawa."

"Wrong! Who would it be, Juno? You can choose anyone in the world."

I growled, turning on my heel and storming away toward the door of my apartment before stopping and letting out a laugh that could probably be described as extremely incredulous. Because I know exactly who i'd want to have dinner with, and I absolutely hate it. "You know what? Fine," I muttered, turning back toward Peter. "I would have dinner with Peter!" I yelled, throwing my arms out. "Alright? If I could have anyone over for dinner, it'd be you. Peter Nureyev. I really, really, wish it wasn't true, but the only person in the world that I would want over for dinner is you. So l could ask you all the questions I have. Actually, no, just one damn question: 'Who are you and why were you living a lie?' It'd probably end in a fight, but the truth might keep me from flipping my shit. I could smile and say goodbye and never have to see you again." 

I stepped towards Peter and heard him sigh, nodding.

"As crazy as it sounds, I'd break bread with the man who lied to my face for two years straight. Just so I can finally get an answer to how the hell you thought it was okay to just string your wife alone. I'd choose you over literally anyone else, even though you've hurt me the most. Alright? Are you happy?"

The dust storm kicked up more, bits of dirt biting into my exposed hands. "We should go back inside

Peter shook his head. "Aren't you going to ask me?"

"Dammit Nureyev, ask you what?"

"Who I'd want over for dinner! It's how this works, remember?"

"I bet I can guess." I smirked, stepping closer.

"And I bet you'd be right." He walked up to me, grinning like an idiot. "It's you."

I rolled my eyes, and shoved him gently. "Duh. Alright, let's go inside." The dust storm chose then to get even worse, pretty much blinding me. "Shit, c'mon. Watch your step!" I grabbed his hand and started to run, just ten feet away from the door.

For the first time since I've known him (well, kind of known him), Peter tripped, groaning. "I'm definitely wearing the wrong shoes for this!"

"Then take 'em off Here, lean on me, gimme your hand- c'mon, c'mon- Alright let's run!" I snorted a little, as we ran to the door, throwing it open and racing inside. I slammed it behind us, leaning against it and taking a deep breath. "You alright?"

"Nol The dust ruined a perfectly good outfit, I'm filthy. I really hate Mars, I do." He groaned, tugging his jacket off and setting it on the ground next to his heels, and starting to unbutton his shirt.

I laughed and shook my head. "You can borrow some of mine." The dust whipped against the side of my apartment, almost drowning out a frightened quack from the next room. "Rita!" I raced to the next room, only to find Rita huddled in a corner.

Peter trailed behind me, talking to his comms again. "For the record, Juno went to go find Rita, who I'm assuming is not doing too well? I don't know, actually, I know next to nothing about ducks. Juno, she's alright, right?"

I scooped her up and nodded, holding her to my chest. "Yeah, she's fine. Could you maybe grab a bag of salmon snacks from the kitchen? That'll probably help her calm down a little. I think the noise is scaring her a little."

"Uh, yeah, sure." He headed toward the kitchen, and I could hear the squeak of cabinets opening as he looked for the crackers. I pet Rita's head and sat on the couch, smiling softly when Peter came back, bag of salmon snacks in hand. He sat next to me and opened it, dumping a few in his hand and holding it out to Rita, who immediately started eating them. "Can I pet her?"

"Yeah, go for it. She likes the top of her head scratched."

"Alright." He reached forward with his free hand, stroking Rita's feathers and gently scratching her head. She let out a soft quack and settled down my lap, content. "She's so cute. For the record."

"Yeah. She's a good listener too." I smiled at Peter, a little surprised he's so good with Rita. I never really took him for someone who liked animals. Then again, I guess I don't really know him at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long!! I've been super busy, but I'd still appreciate comments!!


	5. For the Record

“For the record-”

I jumped a little, eyes flying up to Peter’s face. “Hm?”

He grinned, leaning close to his comms, and snickered softly. “For the record, Juno just undressed me with his eyes.”

“I did not!” 

“You certainly did.”

“I- I looked at you.”

Making direct eye contact with me, he leaned towards his comms once again and practically purred- “Let it be known that sparks flew.”

“No. No sparks. Nothing flew. For- For the record, I just happened to glance down at Rex’s chest-”

“Peter’s.”

“Peter’s. I just happened to glance down at  _ Peter’s _ chest because it’s right there in front of me and it’s unfairly toned.” I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks as I looked away, staring straight down at the dirty shag carpet. I guess I’ll add that to my list of things to work on. 

Rita quacked loudly, almost sounding like it was in agreement with my statement.

“So it is.”

“So you see why that could be awkward.”

“Right. Are you going to let me borrow a shirt then?” His voice was so smug all I really wanted to do was hit him, but letting him have a shirt would probably be a good idea. 

Sighing, I gestured towards the hallway. “Second door on the right. Third drawer in the dresser. There should be something clean in there, I think. Just don’t poke around.”

Setting his comms down on the table, he stood, walking away. “I left my comms there as collateral. Feel free to toss it out the window if you catch me snooping.” Turning back, he winked, before disappearing into my bedroom. 

“Okay fine, just hurry up! I have to be up at a reasonable time to… ‘fix’ stuff.” I put my head in my hands, closing my eyes. Rita shuffled close and quacked, ruffling her feathers. “Hey, I don’t wanna hear it, okay? You saw that whole thing. He’s impossible to shut down, the definition of unstoppable-” The doorbell went off, rapidfire, before suddenly shutting down with a small whine. “Great, thanks for the input doorbell. Good to know someone else has an opinion on my private business.” Couch squeaking with every movement, I stood up and made my way to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and a glass before sitting back down. “35 questions.” Pouring myself a glass, I leaned back and closed my eyes. “I’m not even gonna make it through 5.” 

I took a sip and turned to Peter’s comms sitting on the table, laughing bitterly.

“For the record, this is self destructive. For the record, I’m aware of that. For the record I’ve been picturing his body, draped over the sofa wearing nothing but his hat.” I winced. “Didn’t mean to say that one out loud… I’m so screwed.”

After downing my drink, I picked at my cuticles, staring hard at the list of questions in front of me. “...This can still go my way. I’ve just gotta focus on the questions. Yeah. Use ‘em a reminder of how much he lied.”

“Turns out it’s gonna be harder to repress my sympathy for this pathological liar than I thought it’d be. God, all I want to do is touch him…”

“Ta-da!” I looked up quickly, face heating again as I saw Peter standing in the doorway, wearing an old grey shirt from some school event back when I was a kid. I’m honestly surprised I still have it. 

“Oh hey!” I plastered a grin on my face, rubbing the back of my neck. 

“What do you think?”

“It looks great. I was uh- Just about to go set the table. Which is. Weird? I don’t know why I was about to do that-”

“It makes perfect sense to me. It’s just like a weird first date!” He pursed his lips, looking at my empty whiskey glass. “Which is why we should really have a little more booze.” 

“Do you want more? I can go grab some, I think I have some wine somewhere…” 

\--

Juno took off into the kitchen and I sat back on the couch, waiting for him to return. Rita waddled up next to me, jumping up onto the couch and snuggling up next to me with a satisfied “Quack!” 

“Hello Rita. I don’t suppose you’ve heard anything nice about me, hm? All the bad things have probably been true anyway, so there’s not much point in denying them.” I grabbed Juno’s discarded glass and poured myself some whiskey, eyeing Rita. “You’re not a whiskey drinker, are you?” She just stared back, eyes shining. “No, I didn’t think so. Smart one, you are. I like that.” I downed the glass and sighed, sinking into the worn couch. 

“You know, Rita, I didn’t expect this to be so easy. He’s usually so stubborn… I came up with this plan at 4 am on some random highway. But here I am.” I picked up the list of questions, examining the familiar words. “I don’t actually know how I’m going to answer most of these. I’m a little afraid that I might lie. Again.” I laughed, shaking my head. “If only I could make him see that if I was given a choice between telling him the truth or sticking knives into my eyes, I’d take the knives.”

“But I’ll survive.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to ignore the oncoming headache. It happens sometimes when I get stressed, and this is enough stress to cause a migraine. Unless… “I’ll just treat it as a pastime! Just keep it as casual as possible. Don’t even think about it Peter, because hey, if Juno didn’t love you anymore, he wouldn’t have opened up that door and let you in. It’s got to be some sort of si-”

“Hey.”   
  
I jumped, turning to see Juno standing just outside of the kitchen. “Oh, hello Juno, dear!”

“First of all, don’t call me dear. You don’t have the right to do so anymore. Second of all-” he gestured to the wine in his hand- “there’s a really good chance that this is awful.” 

“As long as it’s drinkable, I think I’ll live.” I stood and moved past him into the kitchen, pulling a lighter out of my pocket and lighting a few candles.

  
“What are the candles for?” The suspicion oozed from his voice, and I guess I deserve it. I haven’t given him much reason to trust anything I say or do.

“To set the mood, Juno darling.”

“And that’s what, exactly?”

I turned to him and smiled softly. “Hopeful?” I pulled a chair out from the table and sat down, staring into the deep red of the cheap wine in the glass in front of me. “Just like our first date, after the whole mess with the Kanagawas. Remember? We sat on your carpet out there, drank two bottles of wine.”

“...Right. We’ve been here before.” 

“So! Moving on to question two-”

“Two out of 36 reasons we can’t possibly be healthy for each other.”

“Juno, please. Would you like to be famous? In what way?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me Way too long but school's been absolutely killing me, so it's not completely my fault. hope you enjoyed, and i'd appreciate any comments you have!!


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